Alexa, play JF & Lail
We recently got a free Echo Dot with a new WiFi plan. I did not know what an Echo Dot was but now I have one on my kitchen counter. It looks not unlike a Magic 8 Ball but it is far more magic. And far more infuriating. I realise I am very late to the Alexa party and any memes and SNL sketches on the subject would be downright passé. Yet for me she is a new housemate. And I do not like her. She pretends to be a wallflower but you always have to be on your toes around her. And she will only answer to her full name. It is like living in an ongoing game of Simon Says. Alexa, put your hands on your head. Alexa, set an alarm for 10. Alexa, play BBC news. Alexa, play Tracy Chapman. Alexa, next song. Turn it up. Turn it up. Turn it up? TURN IT UP! Alexa… turn it up.
More problematically, we cannot for the life of us get Alexa to play our music. Now, I do appreciate that neither of us have very easy names to pronounce. But you’d think we’d have cracked it… Alexa, play JF Robitaille & Lail Arad. [Shuffling songs by Jethro Tull.] Alexa, play Laaail Arad. [Playing La La Land, by Brice Vine.] Alexa, play Laiiiil Araaaad. [Hm, I don’t know that one.] Alexa, play Leyal A-Rad. [Here’s Loyal, by Chris Brown.] Alexa, play J F Robitaille. [Sorry, I’m not sure about that]. Alexa, play Jay Eff Row-bee-Tie. [I couldn’t find Grumpy Time by Jeff, but here is other music by Jeff.] Alexa, play JF Ro-bi-ta-LLi-é… [Here’s Robbery by Bruce Henry]. Ok stop. Stop. STOP! Alexa, stop…
To be clear, our music is in there. We can get to it via the song names. Alexa, play Everyone Is Moving To Berlin. [Playing Everyone Is Moving To Berlin by Lailarad.] Alexa, play Rival Hearts. [Playing Rival Hearts by JF Robity.] And yes, we have tried to imitate her pronunciation back at her… to no avail. I told you, she is stubborn. Sneaky. A slippery fish. I challenge you to beat her at her own game! In fact:
We would like to offer a $100,000 REWARD to anyone who can make her play our music! Double for the duo! [This is the point at which you ask yourselves: How do you pronounce Lail Arad and JF Robitaille? Well, maybe you’ll have more luck if you aren’t quite sure…]
If you feel cheated by this Sunday morning’s offering, well, I feel cheated by Alexa. All those millions of frustrated people trying to and failing to play my music each day!
In case you are one of these people, I’ll leave you with this “Greatest Hits” playlist we made on Spotify… And with the announcement that we’re dropping our surnames for the duo album that is officially coming out next year! Alexa, play JF & Lail. Hopefully she can handle that. Meanwhile I’m sticking to my turntable.
The sole Alexa I've ever known was a muscular surfer girl in La Jolla, who dazzled he-men and weedy would-bes alike by her somersaults and cartwheels along the beach.
Just call 1-800-Alexa. Amazon will quickly rectify the situation and you streaming money for the millions of plays will be on the way. That money and two bucks should by you a glass of wine.
Did you try “Hey Siri tell Alexa to play...”